Cramped in the Carrier

This month has been a whirlwind! I closed on a house and began the process of moving in. I was so blessed by my church family here in State College! Thank you so much Centre Church for furnishing my home and helping me move. I love you all dearly! Never before have I seen a church “be the body of Christ” the way you guys have been to me. Wow. Thank you!

I made a trip to the Land of Enchantment to see my family. I cherished each moment with my parents, brother and soon-to-be sister in-law. Had some green chili. Went to Sonic. Every day! 

Then packed up my puppy to fly back to Pennsylvania.

Jackson is 7 years old. I have had him since he was about 6 months old. If you know either of us, you know that Jack and I are wayyyy too attached to each other. It probably is not a normal dog/human relationship. Thankfully my parents agreed to take care of him while I got settled out here in PA. It was finally time for him to move.

Barely meeting the weight requirement (one too many doggie bones) Jack was a big,

brave boy in his carrier. The poor puppy is not crate trained. Being in a “box” was not his idea of a good time. 

His brown eyes pleaded with me – I knew they held so many questions. He remained fairly calm for the majority of the trip. He handled three airports, two plane rides and a 3 hour drive like a champ. The whole way he whined, whimpered and anxiously panted, but still he trusted me. I would stick my hand in his carrier and it seemed to calm him down for a while. Poor puppy!

I have felt much like this in life lately. God takes me, puts me in a box that I am not used to, seals it shut and completely relocates me. Like Jackson I have felt confined, confused and squished under the seat. Yet all He does is in our best interest.

Jackson did not do well living with my parents. He is very clearly my dog. He was jealous of the other two pets my parents had. His level of activity and zest for life had diminished. It was time – for his betterment – to move.

My relocation to central Pennsylvania was not easy. I am sure I hyperventilated in the spiritual sense. I know I scratched at the carrier desperate to get out. I have felt cramped and lacking fresh air. But, I made it. Jackson made it. 

I don’t know that I’ve ever seen him happier than when we arrived at the Pittsburgh airport and let him out! Oh boy! He made quite the celebratory scene! I’m sure the little puppy had a thousand questions on that long travel day. I know he was uncomfortable. I bet he was scared. But, he trusted me. He knew that as long as I was with him, it would all be ok.

I am exceedingly thankful God is ever-present. Are you in a season of transition? In the midst of change there is really no choice but to move. Let him move you. It is for your betterment.

Jackson is settling in. He is enjoying being an only dog, going on bike rides every night and occasionally getting to sleep in my bed. His smile is a mile wide. He did it! I did it! You can do it.

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The rest of my month is best told in pictures! 

 

My best friend, Haley and her sister, Lexi flew almost 2,000 miles to spend the 4th of July with me! I was so blessed to have some time with her. This is the first time we've ever been apart. Thanks for keeping me encouraged and accountable Haley Mae! 

Love you and Lex to pieces!

Blueberry picking! I went with my host family to a blueberry farm - a.k.a. some one's backyard - to pick berries! The farming family opens their home and yard to strangers, gives them old milk cartons and neck ties to go picking berries with! You pay at the back door by the bushel. Nearly 10 pounds of blueberries later... I'm not talking a regular blueberry. I need you to think that the small ones are the size of a penny. Needless to say I've royally failed in a couple blueberry Pinterest recipes simply due to the fact that these things are monsters! My baby brother was still more than happy to find room in his belly for my creations!

I've celebrated birthdays, caught fireflies, painted my house, and squealed as my baby brother walked for the first time! All because I let God move me. Let Him move you. You will only be in the carrier for a season.

A Reason to Sing

Last night, we had a serious wave of thunderstorms plow through State College. Mind you, I hate thunderstorms. At 3:30 am I was rudely awakened by a <<KAABOOM>> that shook the walls of the house; the lightning so bright, it illuminated my room. The wind howled through the canopy of trees, the branches cracking and breaking.

Until 6:30 am, the rain came in torrential sheets, quickly washing down our street. Needless to say I was awake for much of the night. Moments before my alarm was to go off, the storm dissipated. I lay in bed, prayerful; almost afraid to look outside. Then I heard it.

The sound was clear and distinct. “It couldn’t be…” I thought to myself, “not after all of that.” But sure enough! A bird began singing his happy song outside of my window. I was safe and sheltered in the comfort of my house. This poor guy weathered the storm - outside - all night. Where did he find shelter? Was he scared? Was his home destroyed?

His song so bright and happy it was almost as if he was unaware of the storm that just rocked his little world. All he knew was that the rain and ceased, the sun was rising, and he found it – he found a reason to sing.

I didn’t rise from my bed until I sang my song of thankfulness to God this morning. I have so many reasons to sing!

It’s official – I signed the closing paperwork and am an official homeowner! This weekend begins the move-in process. I have been so blessed by my State College family who has made this hairy scary process so comfortable. There is no room at all to question God’s hand in this – no doubt this is where I am supposed to be.

After I signed the papers and received the key, I drove to my new home. So thankful for technology, I face-timed my parents. Together (as together as we could be) we opened the door to my house. I dropped to the floor in thankfulness. 2000 miles away, my parents did the same. We prayed to dedicate the home to the Lord; that it would be His and all who enter will feel His love and presence.

I did it. By myself. This was a huge final step in my healing process. Over one year later, my storm has finally settled. I weathered the storm and found shelter wherever I could. I have a reason to sing. And sing I must. To tell of His goodness and faithfulness. To remind others who are still feeling the shake of their storm that the rain does stop and the sun is coming.

As my mom prayed, she referenced Noah on the arc. He had to do the unthinkable. When few others understood. He weathered a very long storm on that boat full of smelly, noisy, grumpy things - not his family, the animals! He spent 377 days on the arc waiting for the storm to stop. My mom felt that the number 377 was significant (God’s numbers always are.) After some prayer and research, she was right. There are 365 days in our calendar year – from 377 that is a difference of 12. Including today, if you count back 12 days, you would land on June 2^nd.  To you this means nothing. To me – this was my wedding day.

Going a bit further, the number 377 in the Blue Letter Greek/Lexicon Bible signifies rest. To recline at a table; to sit back to lie down. It occurs 11 times in the New Testament. Not to mention that Noah exited the boat on the 27^th day of the 2^nd month (in my world this is February 27^th – the day my engagement ended).

This might not blow your mind, but it does mine. God’s fingerprints are everywhere. We often ask for big, flashing signs and miss how intricately He has woven every single detail of our lives together for His glory and to simply remind us that He is God.

I am left in awe of the events of today and choose to sing. I understand that when your own personal storm is raging, a happy little bird is the last thing you want in your boat. Rather than letting it “ruffle your feathers” (pun intended) allow God to remind you that one day your storm too will be over. One day you will be able to enter in to rest - to have a reason to sing – just like that little bird outside of my window – just like nothing ever even happened.

Remember, one must make the choice to sing. We all have countless reasons - choose to sing this week. It will be a soothing sound of hope to others much like the little birdy was to me this morning. 

The Well Within

I can not take sole credit for this week's blog. I am blessed to have a boss who pours into me spiritually, who challenges me and draws out the best. Dannah challenged us with this thought a couple weeks ago. It has stayed with me and is something I want to share with you: 

Knowing what is right is like deep water in the heart;

    a wise person draws from the well within. Proverbs 20:5

...from the well within. I have been stuck on this thought for the past two weeks. There have been season of my life in which I feel as dry as dirt. There couldn't possibly be anything in my well even if I wanted there to be. Other times, I feel like there is a leak in my well. Sometimes it is overflowing. And even others, my well is stagnant and toxic to anyone who might draw from it. Sometimes, a random donkey. 

What is the condition of your well within? Can you cast your bucket down and bring up that which will quench and refresh? Do you even know where your bucket is?! Wells can vary in depth, volume and water quality. What is yours like? 

I am blessed beyond blessed to have the incredible family I do; to have Blake, Haley, Kelci and Leslie. They have seen to it that my well is fully stocked with fresh water. Life, Scripture, truth, hope and joy are continually poured in. I have been equipped with the ability to draw from that refreshing well. 

Unfortunately, I have recently witnessed quite the opposite. (It is those closest to us who have the ability to either bless our well or make it toxic.) Friends whose families, churches, relationships, etc. have caused their well to become toxic. They have little to nothing safe and soothing to draw out of their own well. 

My charge to you this week is two fold: 

1. Are you blessing and enriching the wells of other people? Or are you, by your cutting words and controlling actions, dumping toxic material into the hearts of others - into your spouse, children, friends?

2. What is the state of your well? Maybe you are like me and have a well that has been established in the truth of the Lord and allows you to thrive. If you do, be exceedingly thankful. If you do not, surround yourself with those who will help you clean and un-contaminate your well; who will pour into you that which will heal, cleanse and restore. 

The well within is important. During Bible times in the Middle East (and in Texas today!) the person who owned the well also owned the land surrounding it. I believe the well within is your heart. You also are made up of "the land surrounding it." The rest of your body, your being, your words, actions... Does your "land surrounding" reflect a well that flows with refreshment and life? 

A toxic well must often be drained and thoroughly cleaned before it is even reconsidered for use. If one drank from a toxic well, serious illness or even death could occur. Such water was often not safe for livestock - and in some cases, even irrigation. 

In Jesus' day, attackers who wanted to prey on and intimidate their subjects would often poison or break down water wells, knowing it was their enemies' source of life. Do you not think the Devil would love nothing more than to break down your well? That is what he is trying to do! The Devil is dumb... he never has new tactics - just the same old tricks over and over. Don't let him get away with damaging the well of your heart. If he can cut off the water supply, he controls your life. 

Dannah charged us with the responsibility of keeping a watch on our well and also doing intentional things to "fill our bucket" full of the good stuff this summer. 

What will you do to clean up and take care of the well within? Often we feel dry emotionally and spiritually simply because we do not put forth the effort to fill our bucket.

By his divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know him, the one who called us to himself by means of his marvelous glory and excellence. 2 Peter 1:3 

If Jesus is your Lord and Savior. If HE is your everything. The well within is Christ Himself. He lives in your heart. WISE is the one who draws from that. God is truly the only one worth drawing from. Other people in our lives are simply a bonus. So, it does not really matter if you have been blessed with extra sources of nourishment or if others have tried to contaminate your well. Your heart belongs to the Lord. He is your well - the only well that will never run dry - the only well that will satisfy - the well that causes you to thirst no more. Draw from Him. Take care of your well within - guard it and draw from it. "Fill your bucket," as Dannah would say. 

This summer I will be intentional about protecting my well and drawing from it by daily, intentional times in the Word, surrounding myself with those who speak truth and life into me and distancing myself from those who do not, reading books that build and challenge my faith and I will write as God continues to direct me. I will be hosting some summer activities for my Bible class to continue to pour life into their wells. What will you do? 

And if you are that one person who just feels like this is in your well.... we will help you get it out and fill you up again.  : ) 

It Comes

Wow! I went from posting once each week to being lucky to post once a month! In following my last post, Healing is a Process I am blessed to inform you of what God has done in the past month.

I believe it is in our seasons of pain – when we have been hurt – or when past hurts bubble to the surface, that we most deeply call out to our Father. Last month, I begged Him to see a new wave of healing; a new display of His power in my life. James tells us when we ask things of God – to believe and not doubt. So, I did.

In the last month I have continued to remain in awe of how God continues to pick up the pieces that remain of my tattered heart and put them back together better than they were before. My Bible class worked through Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God earlier this semester. He encouraged us that when we don’t feel as if God is at work in our own life, to look around and see where He is moving in other’s. I pray this encourages you to know that God IS at work… even if you don’t perceive it in your own situation yet.

 I was blessed to go on the Secret Keeper Girl tour again. We made stops in Louisiana, Missouri, Texas and New Mexico. In two weeks we watched 100 girls make a first-time decision to follow Jesus. Moms thanked us with teary eyes as the connection between mom and daughter was restored. Personally I was blessed to have my parents attend a show!

En route to our next venue destination, we made an afternoon pit stop in the city that was to be my home.  I have dealt with our hometown and the city in which we went to college, but I refused to ever return to where he was – where our home was going to be. Apparently, God laughed. Surrounded by my road team, we headed in on the same highway I traveled many times. Tears welled in my eyes as we drove past familiar restaurants, movie theaters, and the signs pointing to his school…

Then we arrived at the mall we frequented. I was determined to stay in the van to avoid dealing with the memories. Thankfully, Kelci pulled me out – together we went to the store in which I shopped for my wedding shoes. We made a new memory there. After half-an-hour of looking over my shoulder, I began to relax and feel comfortable. We laughed – I conquered. I encourage you to face whatever stronghold remains. Go in, hold your head up high and thank God for His rescue – for His redemptive grace in your life.

Upon returning to State College, planning for the Get Lost book launch party took up much of my time. An added bonus, my Mommy got to come visit me for Mother’s Day – thanks Daddy! We spent a precious week together. I am beginning to realize just how blessed I am to have the friendship with my Mom that I do. Many girls can not say the same. She attended the book launch party with me! Dannah spoke and I gave my testimony which appears in the book. Driving through the familiar city and dealing with memories, there was a rawness that I haven’t experienced before while sharing my story. A transparency almost; I allowed myself to feel. The result was healing for me and an encouragement of God’s grace for the 100 people in attendance. The night was a beautiful success – having Mom’s face in the audience was just icing on the cake.

 

The party over and Mom on a plane back to NM, I focused my attention on prom. Teaching at Grace Prep has been one of my favorite things this year! Planning and organizing prom was right up my ally. I have learned so much as a result of teaching. Girls, you are a blessing to my life! We ate more cotton candy than one could imagine and danced the night away! Chaperone Heather and DJ Blake had just as much fun as the kids did! 

In the midst of all this, I have been offered a contract with the ministry and am buying a house! The cost of living out here is still overwhelming, but the Lord saw my need and provided more than I could have imagined. It has been a scary process to do on my own! Some of you recall that when my ex-fiancé and I found a house, we drove up to see a rainbow over it (no joke!) When I received the home inspection in my inbox, I opened it to view the report. The photo of the front of my house had a ray of light passing though it that, on the inspector’s camera, created a vibrant rainbow in the bottom corner of the photograph… Isn’t God awesome at redemption? Kelci and I will be moving in by the middle of June and Jackson puppy will be joining us shortly! (My little sisters think they are moving in too!) 

There is no profound spiritual truth in this blog – just a testimony. Simple gratitude toward my Savior. One year ago I was lying on the floor of my parent’s bedroom in the fetal position wondering how life would ever go on. That may be where you find yourself today. My report is not to gloat, but rather to encourage you and give you hope. Believe that God can take your fragile heart, broken relationship, financial crisis, health scare… and in one year create more than you ever thought possible. I am living Ephesians 3:20 – He is doing more than I can ask, think, hope or imagine!

Beauty comes from ashes. Pearls come from pain. May my story encourage you to hang on… it comes. It comes much faster when we cooperate! When we offer up our hurt to the throne room of God – where He has access to our heart and our situation. If you want to hang on to it, you can. Just don’t expect healing to flow quickly if you are not ready to go to the Doctor for help.

I love all of you so much and am thankful for your prayers, support and financial provision. I couldn’t do this without you!