Search This Blog


Saturday, October 4, 2014

In the Meantime

Yes, it has been a while. Many of you have been asking why I've quit posting. To be completely honest, this season of my life has proven to be so challenging that I felt as though I would be a hypocrite to write something uplifting and spiritual. I have gone back and read previous blogs I've posted and just cried as God allowed them to speak to me thinking that there was no possible way I ever wrote it. This entire year has been one of closed doors and "No's." I cried in my moms arms a few days ago after another bit of bad news and said, "I just want to hear a 'YES' soon!" 

Facing trials from the time I was tiny, I have grown up hearing others talk about how strong I was or how, "nothing gets that girl down." This from well-meaning people who have never ceased to pray for or encourage me. Yet, it has created in me this idea that others expect me to be tough. Even after my engagement ended, I handled it like a tough girl would. Only a handful of people have ever seen me cry and for some odd reason, I take pride in that. 

That being said, it's been easier to disappear from social media and my blog rather than tell the world:
I am not that tough.

This week, a friend suggested a podcast that he felt might be uplifting. Turns out, the entire sermon series knocked me on my tail so hard that it caused this mask of super strength I wear to fall off. Aptly title, In The Meantime, the series touches on how to handle the seasons of anxiety. The seasons when you've clearly left Point A, but don't see Point B anywhere in sight. Where your past, present and future seem to be nothing more than a tangled ball of sticky yarn. 

In light of serious medical issues, the emotions of leaving my friends and loved ones across the country, and a general sense of purposelessness, there are many days where I have lost sight of the hope and promises of God and sink into depression. 

I have found such great comfort in the Psalms. So many times, David is able to express the anguish and desperation of his heart using the very words I can't seem to find. But, he wasn't the only one. Paul was there - he wrestled with the thorn in his flesh - he mentions learning to find contentment in the most bleak of circumstances. Moses was there. He spent 40 years "In the Meantime" pleading with God for forgiveness, favor and food. Ruth was there. She lost her husband, father-in-law and brother-in-law and opted to leave the world she knew clinging to the hope that something - maybe something - was better somewhere else. Esther was there; essentially kidnapped from her home waiting for one night with the king. 

I think we each have "In the Meantime" seasons, yet we don't like to talk about them. Why? 

I venture to give you a few reasons:

1. We ourselves are insecure. We wear a mask trying to pretend the hurt and frustration isn't there. If we ignore it long enough, everything might just smooth itself out and magically get better and no one has to know the struggle. Pride and self-sufficiency drive us to keep our needs to ourself. 

2. Social Media. It's a monster! I recently removed myself from all my social media feeds for a month. It was so refreshing! Try it - I dare you. Granted, your Facebook news feed is about as authentic as Keeping Up With the Kardashians or The Bachelor, but it still gets in our heads. Is anyone actually going to post a bad photo of themselves? NO! That selfie has probably been shot at least three times, has been edited and is now sporting a filter. Their wedding photos are adorable, but you know their marriage isn't perfect. Their baby is so cute and well-behaved, but can't you imagine the bedtime temper-tantrum followed by the 2am "I'm thirsty, Mommy"? Scroll through your feed. It's likely you know some of the stories and heartaches behind the photos. But, it's easy to compare, isn't it? When I made the decision to go off the grid for a month, it was vital. My world was changing yet again. If I saw another engagement announcement, wedding album or gender reveal party, I thought I was going to be sick. Somehow the photos of my friends instilled in me the idea that I was behind. I don't have my life together the way they do. I'm not as pretty, lovable, smart, independent… Unplugging was freeing and greatly diminished the lies I was believing about myself. My attitude and heart had a chance to regroup. Amazingly enough, true friends still found a way to get in touch with me! If you're in a "In the Meantime" season, unplug. I believe you'd be better able to hear God's status updates over your life. 

3. We don't trust others. The Bible is full of verses telling us to share one another's burdens. To lift one another up when one is down. To ask for prayer. But, we don't. I have certainly been guilty of wearing the "everything's ok" mask to church. It could be fear of judgement, concern of gossip, lack of trust or just a good stiff-arm that keeps our mask on. I can't imagine what His ministry would have been like if Jesus wasn't honest and transparent. What if Paul didn't need Timothy? What if Moses decided he could do it all by himself and cast Aaron aside? We are God's gift to one another. You and I were never meant to do this life alone. The whole point was that we would see our inability and Christ's ability - He sends us each other to help be that encouragement and support along the way. I know better than just about anyone how gut-wrentchingly painful it can be to lay down your mask and admit that you're not ok. Yet, the love and grace that flows through admission is palpable. Don't be afraid of the help God has sitting the pew right next to you. 

4. Backpedaling. So, you've finally confided a tiny bit in that friend and they stare back across the table from you with a blank expression, speechless. No words would make the situation better anyway, but you were hoping for a little something. Now the thoughts swirl in your mind. "Why on earth did I say anything to them anyway?" you ask yourself. Maybe it's for them. Revolutionary thought, I know. We tend to get really self-consumed during those "In the Meantime" seasons. Take a peek outside of your world that seems to be crumbling and consider their expression across the table. Maybe it's for her. Maybe he is watching you wage yet another trial and is astounded by your faith. I am exceedingly thankful that many of the Bible Greats faced such seasons. Their stories are what give us hope. Have you considered that maybe by simply sharing your story, you could be that for someone else? Our testimony is the key to victory

5. You're out of faith. If you've been "In the Meantime" for more than a few months, you're probably growing tired. When you're weary and struggling to fight one more day, it seems that the devil gets a microphone. His lies become louder and louder in our ear until he has us curled in the fetal position ready to quit. Consider his battle strategy. The devil's tactics are NEVER new. He knows exactly what will make you feel worthless, empty and defeated and he will repeat himself day after day. Do what you can to strap on the Armor of God. I am so thankful that the only task we are given once the armor is on is to simply stand. Nothing else. Stand. Just one more day. And when you're just plum out of faith and are desperately wondering where God's hand is, take heart in the promise that the Lord will fight for you.  Again, the command is simply to be still - be calm - chill out - take a deep breath. He never leaves. He is busy fighting for you. 

Having lived behind a mask for years, I need to recall each of these points daily. Please feel free to remind me! God has a purpose for the in between times. I am still in the thick of it and don't have a clue what He's up to or where He's headed with me, I just cling to the promises He's given in His word and wait for him to act on my behalf knowing that even in the silence, He is busy. Just because you find yourself in one of life's dark hallways, doesn't mean you need to pitch a tent there. Keep standing until you see the light and the door. I will try to do the same. In the Meantime… 

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Being His Eyes

I've continued to face a series of challenges for the last few months. Many of you have noticed that I'm not posting as often as I normally do. To be perfectly honest, I'm tired. I feel depleted physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. You've known me to always be the girl to put on a good face and be strong and power through any and every obstacle that may come. That's not where I'm at. 

I'm in the process of packing up my life in Pennsylvania to move back home. I will be in New Mexico with my family until we can get my pressing health issues sorted out. I've never been a fan of transition or change. Saying goodbye to friends and those who have become like family is not an easy thing to do. My house is sold and boxes are the only thing that now decorate the living room. Once again, I have no idea what God is doing or why. All I know is that He is good. All the time. 

Already tired and emotionally numb, one more thing was added to my plate this week. 

 Jackson puppy has been more than my best friend for the last eight years. He's traveled with me from NM, to TX, to PA and even New Jersey. He's licked more tears than one can imagine and is never more than three feet from my side. "Man's Best Friend" hardly does our relationship justice. More than once in the last few years, Jack has been all I've had - the only constant. 

I sat down to eat breakfast last week and saved the last bite of my waffle for my furry friend. I placed it in front of his nose. It took him a good ten seconds to find it. I thought it was odd, but didn't read into it. Maybe it was the lighting or he was just being super patient? 

As the week went on, I began to wonder what was happening. His behavior had changed, his demeanor, it was as if he couldn't see me. After watching him begin to run into walls, we went to the vet. She confirmed his eyesight was gone. In a matter of five days, Jackson became blind. While the cause still remains uncertain; he and I have both had to learn to adapt. 

Imagine the fear you'd have if you lost your sight in a matter of days. The vibrant world you once knew now a dark abyss. My heart has broken for him and I've cried trying to get him to walk through the doorway. Life has changed. 

The first couple days were hard. He panicked often and insisted on touching me at all times - even if that meant leaning on my legs as I tried to walk down the hall. He struggled to find his food and water and was fearful to go outside. His toy squirrel lie abandoned on the floor. My mind raced with what to do - how to get us to cope. Everything I read said to maintain consistency - don't move furniture or change his surroundings…. I wept as I read knowing a 2,000 mile cross-country road trip is only days away. How will he do it? Hotels, new smells, strange sounds, other pets. How will I do it? 

For the first time in a very long time, God tangibly broke through my heartbreak. "Heather, that's exactly how I want you to be. Watch Jack and learn." 

In the days that followed I watched my Jackie start to compensate. He and I began coming up with systems that work. I would talk softly to him before touching him. I would clap as I walked so he could follow the sound. His food and water dish became "home base" so when he's disoriented we have a landmark. When he's frightened and panting, I scoop him up and hold him tight until his breathing returns to normal. 

And that's how God wants us to be. 

Jack is 100% dependent on me. He relies on me for his food, water, vet care, love, play, attention, walks, potty breaks… When he lost sight, he didn't run away from me angry at the situation. He did the opposite and clung to me even closer. Now he's looking to me for peace, surety, safety and literal direction. It's like he knows that alone he would die. 

Have you lost your sight? You look around but all you see is black? I've been waiting for sight and direction for some time. God has seen fit right now to keep my eyes closed to what's happening. Maybe he's doing the same to you for your own protection. He's drawing
you closer - desiring to be even more to you than He already is. Don't panic or run into walls; it breaks His heart to watch you do that. Trust His voice and know that if He's leading you over the doorway, it's a safe step, even if you can't see it. His Word is your "home base" the one place you can return to and know where you are. If you begin to fear because you can't find Him, stop and listen for His clapping - He's near. Follow the sound. And if you need to just break down and cry because it's too much - too dark - too sudden - too scary. Let Him scoop you up and rock you. Don't run away from Him because you can't see and don't understand. Stay close. You're still His. 

And yes, while my lovely puppy has taught me this valuable lesson, my heart still hurts wishing there was something I could do to change this for him. Jackson has been incredible in the face of adversity. He still plunges ahead - insisting on his normal walk, regular tricks and treats, and demolishing the new toy I got him. He's the most loyal and faithful creature I've ever known on God's planet. He's showing me how to love life and make the most out of every situation. 

Being his eyes has taught me to see the world with my heart.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Just Standing

"...and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13

Many of you have asked why I haven't posted a blog in quite some time. I have been busy standing. 

Standing is about all I can do. 

The last few months have been especially challenging. Two years ago, my world fell apart, and lately I feel as though I've been watching a replay. My contract with the ministry has ended and after many months of looking, applying and interviewing, God has not allowed any doors for jobs to open here in Pennsylvania. No paycheck = no ability to pay my mortgage. The house I bought with my life's savings now has a 'For Sale' sign in the front yard. 

I'm beginning to understand why the Lord didn't allow a door to open for a job. I haven't felt well for quite some time and since February have seen multiple doctors to learn what is wrong. Having more lab work than my arms would like, we've discovered I have dangerously high levels of cortisol that have been sustained for possibly years. Signs and symptoms as well as doctor's opinions point to having Cushing's Disease which is basically a tumor on the pituitary gland that causes excess production of cortisol. We are seeking out medical teams as we move forward with what to do. 

At this point in time, I feel as though my job is just to rest and get well. Some days, a trip to the grocery store is all I can manage. Extreme weakness, fatigue and dizziness have become a daily way of life in the past couple months. 

The emotions of being jobless, sick and selling my home are compounded with being 2,000 miles from my family. And, while I can't wait to be closer to them, it comes at the cost of leaving my amazing Ohlson family here in PA. 

I have no great spiritual insight or metaphor for you today. No lesson to draw in all of this. No answers to "Why?" I know God will never leave me or forsake me, but never in my life has He been more silent. This season of difficulty certainly rivals the one I weathered two years ago. 

I am thankful though, that after we're given the Armor of God in Ephesians 6, our only command is to stand. We don't have to fight, to strategize; to brainstorm a plan, or rally support. No, all we are asked to do is stand. I'm trying. I am tired and there are days in which I feel as though I can't. Thats when I think of my dear friend, Lauren. The trial she's weathering with impeccable joy and grace far exceeds my own. So, I'm standing - in prayer - in faith - in hope that the promises of God will be proven true in my life. (And yours Lauren!)

Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement at this time. I am excited to watch God work all of this for His glory. 

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

A Lounge Chair Is For Lounging

Life has been complicated as of late. Many doors are closing and none appear to be opening in their place. I’m trying to continue praising in the hallway, yet I’m growing tired. Uncertainties plague my career, my education, my relationships, my future, my finances… I’ve felt as though the last two years have been a continual fight to survive and get back on my feet after the rug was pulled out from under me– I’m tired and am still not where I'd like to be. Anger has been rekindled. Emotions have run high and energy run dry. Thus, I decided to buy a lounge chair.

After our six-month, Pennsylvania winter, the few days we’ve had in the upper 70’s have felt like heaven on earth. I have taken on the task of “New Mexicoifying” my patio. I have terracotta pots with cactus in them (which I have to move inside on a daily basis so they don’t drown in the rain). Southwest pillows adorn my patio chairs and lizards decorate the fence. It’s my little slice of home! 

But, I desired a lawn chair. The kind you lay out by the pool in. I saw an advertisement for a store in town that was going to have a 50% off patio furniture sale.

So, I had one of my “I am woman” moments where I decide I’m perfectly capable of life on my own and don’t need help from anyone. I drove to the store to get the chair.

In the back of the department store, I was eye-level with the stack of loungers. Being determined and stubborn, I hoisted, grunted, lifted, and maneuvered the heavy chair off the stack (I only hit the wind chime display once!)

Now the task was to get it to the front of the store. Mind you, it is not exactly light. I flipped the chair upside down and balanced it on top of the excessively tiny cart. (Get the visual – tiny cart, lounge chair twice the size.) I start rolling it down the narrow aisles, using the legs of the chair to steer with.

The clerk at the checkout counter saw and heard me coming… “Wow. That’s impressive. Do you need help? We could really help you with that.”

“Nope! I got this. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” Feeling proud of myself, I wheeled my lounger out to the parking lot. About halfway to my car, I considered that maybe I should have measured things first… 

I clicked open the trunk of my Hyundai Sonata and quickly decide that there was no way the lounger would fit in there. TaDa! The back seat. I threw open the side door and began to manhandle the chair with great determination. Other shoppers walked by – some stared – some laughed – this only fueled my determination. (It is also possible that I was talking to myself.)

Not even exaggerating, after 20 minutes of trying, a sweet old woman with a handicapped tag in her car window pulled up beside me. “Darling, do you need help?” She had to have been over 70. “No, Ma’am. Thank you though! I will get it.” The elderly woman placed the car in park and got out of her vehicle.

She walked toward me and placed her hand on my shoulder. “Sweetheart, I’ve been watching for a while. I know you really want this chair, but it’s just not going to fit.” I was annoyed, but knew she was right. What I really didn’t want to admit was that the chair was now stuck in the backseat.

Voluntarily, the old woman went to the other side of the back seat and began helping me wiggle the lounger out of the car. Once free, I thanked her and she drove away. All pride and power gone, I loaded the lounge chair back on the cart and went back inside to return my purchase. The clerk suggested I just leave it there since it was already paid for and “come back to try again tomorrow.”

I left feeling pretty defeated, frustrated and disappointed. Not to mention, embarrassed, hot, tired and sweaty. The next day I borrowed a friend’s SUV to return for the chair. Customer Service remembered me (after that spectacle, how could they not!) and one gentleman brought the chair out to the car for me. I opened the back of the SUV and the man placed the chair in the back. He closed the door and sent me on my way – a 30 second adventure as opposed to my 30-minute one the day prior.

The ease with which it happened was annoying in its own way – I put up such a great fight the day before! On my way to the house God shared a painful yet powerful truth with me.

We do that with life. (I've been doing it for months.) We want something – we want it now – we want it our way – on our terms – in our timing. So, we force it. We expend time, energy, money, and refuse the assistance and wisdom of others, just because we are determined to make it happen. All we really end up doing is growing frustrated and embarrassing ourselves. 
When, all along, God says, “Yes, you can have it, but let me help you.” When we wait for Him – for His help – His timing – His resources, our struggle becomes His way of blessing us.

I image God in His own lounge chair, sipping lemonade, watching me look like a doofus trying to stuff a giant, metal chair in my tiny back seat. He was inviting me to sit with Him – to sip on His goodness – but I was too busy doing it my way.  And being the gentleman that He is, He didn’t interrupt me.

Surrender it. He knows you heart. What you want, what you need, where you’d like to be. Sit with Him and wait. Allow Him to provide your heart’s desires.

I’ve been marinating on this powerful truth as I sit, wonder, and wait, fighting the lies and insecurities of my past. I’ve found that in my moments of pushing, shoving, twisting and forcing, my emotions and fears take center stage. It’s when I sit down in the lounge chair with the Father that none of the concerns matter. That's when His promises are whispered in my ear, drowning out the lies of the enemy. FYI - a lounge chair is for lounging. 

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Jesus Hangs Out At Starbucks

Starbucks. It’s an iconic, global name. Unless you live in the backwoods somewhere,
everyone has at least heard of Starbucks. Some fanatics are fanaticizing about the smell right now! I am a Starbucks lover – my pocket doesn’t allow me to visit as often as I’d like, but it sure is a special treat once in a while!

This week I learned that Jesus likes Starbucks too.

Sometimes I grow complacent of the fact that He’s always with me. I forget He goes where I go and participates in my daily activities. On Tuesday I saw Him – fully present with me as I got coffee.

I’ve been in quite a place lately… Incredibly homesick. Dealing with medical issues. Financial issues. Questions about my future. Tuesday was one of those days that’s just “special.” You know the kind… (My mom taught me to be quiet if I didn’t have anything nice to say.) Those days.

I was irritated that I was on my way to purchase a new washing machine. This is not a fun shopping experience for anyone. Due to my  “special” day and impending large-expense, I decided to treat myself to Starbucks. After all, it was on the way.

I pulled in the drive through and my mind was swirling. "Why me? It’s not fair. Can’t I get a break? What am I going to do?" Each and every situation I’ve been facing began to expand and implode in my mind there in the car as I waited for my tall caramel frapp. I am an overthinker and I had just “overthunk” myself to the point of tears.

I reached the window and began to pass the woman my $5 bill. “It’s free today! The woman in front of you paid for your drink.”

My expression was confused and blank at first. “Did she know me?” “Nope. Said she just felt like you could use a blessing today! Here you go!” She handed me the drink.

I pulled away from the drive through window and straight into a parking space. Tears welled in my eyes.

If you knew what my attitude smelled like at this moment, you would have been shocked that anyone would have come near me – let alone wanted to bless me. I didn’t deserve it. I was operating out of fear, anxiousness, judgement and a super-selfishness.

It was only a four dollar cup of coffee. Yet, as I sat holding it, I began to weep. 

“Heather, I see you. I will provide for you. I will direct you. I will heap blessings on you when you least expect it. Quit trying to plan, fix, figure, orchestrate… Why do you not trust my ability to know your heart?”

Go figure, God is right again. Crazy isn’t it? Seems like He always is.

I don’t know if I will ever look at a Starbucks Frapp the same way ever again. We serve a God who meets us where we are – even in the stench of our attitude and gore of our heart-condition. He never leaves our side.

It’s easy to become self-focused and get lost in the “Why’s” of life. We ask questions about our circumstances in an attempt to somehow justify why we should be exempt from hardship and trials.

God promised us that we would face trials, persecutions and hardships. It’s a guarantee for the life of any Christian. Even if He told us the answer to all of the “WHY” questions we ask, we probably still wouldn’t be satisfied. Thankfully He is a “HOW” God. He is how. He is how we cope, believe, trust, hope, wait, know.

He knew HOW to change my heart and attitude with a cup of java. Because of that grace encounter, I’ve come to learn HOW to navigate this once-again challenging season of life.

I’m thankful Jesus hangs out at Starbucks. I’m even more thankful for the woman in front of me in the black truck who listened to the Holy Spirit’s prompting. You blessed me with so much more than a cup of coffee.

Regardless of your uncertainties, transitions or fears, God wants you to know He is a HOW kind of Savior. I’m so thankful while hanging on the cross, Jesus never asked the Father "WHY?"Unconditional love and unwavering trust abolish all of the "whys" in the world.

Change your question. He is How. Love is Why. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Why I Don't Want to Be Associated With Christians

I listened to a sermon by Louie Giglio recently. In it he polled the congregation. "How many of you came to Passion City Church from another church? You grew up in one, moved to this one, etc…" The majority of the audience raised their hand. "Ok. Now, how many of you came to this church because someone showed you the love of Jesus and you came alive in faith?" Only one woman raised her hand in the congregation of nearly 1000. "And that's the sermon!" He concluded. 

This event and many others have made me wonder if I even really want to be called a "Christian." Yes, I am one. Born and raised. I love the Lord with my whole heart. I've given my life to ministry and serving the King. 

This week I've become increasingly convicted. Both personally and for the Church. It seems that every time I would scroll through my Facebook news feed, Christians were applauding one thing while simultaneously condemning another. 

Matthew McConaughey gave a God-honoring Ocsar speech. Christians everywhere went nuts! Some sang his praises. Others claimed that the movie he was nominated for completely went against everything he said on stage; going so far as to call him a hypocrite. This from Bible-believing "Christians."

At work, we have seen the release of Dannah's newest book, Pulling Back the Shades this week.  It's a book written by two Christian women addressing the erotica phenomenon created by the fastest selling book series in the world, 50 Shades of GrayYou can imagine the feedback we've been getting from women across the nation. Some women praise the authors for their boldness to address what the church has turned a blind eye to. Others say they will no longer endorse the authors or their respective ministries because of the book. It is sad to see Christians with such opposing views on such issues. I wonder if it is the cause of confusion for many nonbelievers? 

The homeschool family from Tennessee who is facing deportation at the hands of the Obama administration has warranted the attention of Christians across the nation. You've seen it on your newsfeed I'm sure. A whole bunch of angry believers are now threatening "civil disobedience" if the administration follows through with the process. 

Do I agree with what is happening to the family? Not at all. One would think that you could find room for 8 immigrants who are working to be here legally considering that we have approximately 12 million illegal ones within our borders! But, I recall Jesus taking the ear of the High Priest's assistant as it lay bloody on the ground and placing it back on the man's head. Peter's zeal was not used correctly. I've never seen anyone won to the Lord because of a fight. Attempting to chop up another, even when "justified" was still wrong in the eyes of the Lord. 

Church, is this really the image the world sees of us? Is this how our Savior is being displayed? We so easily become entangled in arguments of right and wrong and whose convictions are correct. (Which Romans 14 tells us not to do.) When we develop such a mind set, it is difficult to see through the barriers and simply love on another as Jesus called us to do.

My heart is aching and desperate to see the church be the Church Jesus established. One that operates in love and grace rather than quick judgements followed by condemnation. In 2014, nothing new is happening. The world is acting like the world!  GASP! It's been happening since the days of Noah, Abraham and Moses. Why do we focus so much effort on talking about them and how what they're doing is so wrong? We waste a lot of time doing that. But, what might cause a spark - a flicker of light in this generation - is if the church began to act like the Bride she was called to be. Being a true light would be far more effective in the Kingdom than pointing out that their darkness is dark. (Captain Obvious!) 

I've been convicted. On my face in repentance. How many times was I too quick to assume. Too hasty to arrive at a judgment. Too swift to type that "strongly opinionated" comment. As I've studied the gospels, I've seen my Jesus eat with prostitutes, liars, cheats, fornicators. He didn't point fingers at them. He loved them. (And mind you, he put the disciples and the Pharisees in their place a time or two when they questioned Him.)

My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. John 15:12

How do we expect to see the lost saved when as a Church we are so quick to condemn, judge and cast aside? When we argue amongst ourselves and divide into denominational walls? Who have you invited to church lately? Do you live confined within your Christian bubble? I'm challenging you to pop it. Let's drop the religious mask and Get.Off.Facebook. and put our noses in the Word of God. Study the way He ministered. The way He loved. The way he healed the man's ear after one of His nutty disciples got a little too carried away. 

So no, I don't particularly want to be associated with Christians who try to prove how "right" we are.  I don't want the headlines and statistics to be true of me. I simply desire to be a disciple of Jesus. A God-chaser. A Holy Spirit dweller. A lover of the lost. A safe place for the hurting. The arms of Christ to the broken. I would be happy to drop the title of "Christian." In fact, the term Christian is used only three times in the New Testament (Acts 11:26, 26:28 and 1 Peter 4:16). Each time it refers to a follower of Jesus who would not acknowledge the emperor of Rome.  Sadly, in today's society, the term "Christian" often brings a negative connotation. I simply want to be called a disciple, a follower of Christ.  

Here's an example of how we can step into the "Follower of Jesus" title: 
I'm sure you saw friends post photos of themselves sporting the red X on themselves in an effort to stop human trafficking recently. This part of the EndIt Movement was a social media campaign to create awareness of the issue. Great cause. Great leadership. It's about time someone stood up and brought attention to an issue that is impacting the entire globe! 

While I didn't sport the Red X that day, another member of my office did. She confessed that it was a struggle. "Do I want to put this photo up just to get 'Likes'?" While it was a mental battle, she did stop and pray that day. Of those who sported a Red X and took the photo that day, how many prayed? How many donated? How many signed up to volunteer? How many fasted? How many interceded for the missionaries who work in the sex trafficking world day-in and day-out?" Or was it just a photo for a good cause? Just a way to look good and get "LIKED"? While a photo spreads awareness, prayers call Heaven into action - demons to flee - freedom to reign. So much more impact comes from being on our knees. 

Let us be the Church that moves. That is the hands and feet of Jesus. The ones who go into all the world and make disciples. The ones who bring the lost to church so when the question is asked, countless hands go up. 

We are followers of Christ. 

Sunday, February 9, 2014

When We Call

My "little brother" Judah just turned two. He is the love of my life and I am the love of his. No questions asked! Last week we got spoiled. We spent time together four days in a row!

This week has been a bit stressful to say the least. Work obligations, social commitments, health issues, financial stresses… I was beginning to feel a bit overwhelmed and buried under the weight of it.

One afternoon at work, I received this in a text message from my host mom. It was Judah:
(Turn your volume on and click play in the top left corner of the photo.)


My heart was rocked! I was ready to leave work, jump in my car and drive to wherever he was. I would be whatever he needed me to be - wherever he needed me to be it. The desperation of "Heatheyyyy" moved my heart to tears yet put a smile on my face to hear his sweet voice cry out for me. It was the most precious thing I've ever heard!

It was days later as the pressure of the week mounted that I was able to see the spiritual parallel. If that little baby moved my heart when he screamed "Heatheyyy," how much more is the Father's heart moved when I cry out for Him? 

Confession: I haven't been doing much of that lately. I've grown frustrated with unchanging circumstances - prayers I don't see answers to. Unfortunately, I've been falling into the "I can do it myself" mindset. Just calling out the name Jesus and expecting Him to arrive in my circumstance and be the I Am was not on my list of things to do - Mainly because of my fleshly pride. 

2 Chronicles 32 tells the story of King Sennacherib of Assyria and his plan to invade and destroy Judah. Upon hearing the plan of the impending siege against Jerusalem, King Hezekiah told his people Be strong and courageous, Do not be afraid or dismayed before the king of Assyria and all the horde that is with him, for there are more with us than with him. With him is an arm of flesh, but with us is the Lord our God, to help us and to fight our battles. The people were encouraged by the words of Hezekiah. What faith did that man have! Would I have been able to say that? Nope. 

But of course, when we lay our faith out on the line as King Hezekiah did, that's when the enemy likes to sneak in and rattle us even more. And that's exactly what happened. King Sennacherib began to blaspheme the God of Judah and Jerusalem. He mocked the people, their God and their king. He even went so far as writing hate-mail to them, mocking in writing all of their beliefs and trying to instill fear in the hearts and minds of the people. 

Then Hezekiah…prayed because of all this and cried out to heaven. v.20 

Cried out. In his position, knowing the ability of and history of the Assyrians, I imagine King Hezekiah was in a place of desperation. There was no way out - other than by the hand of God. He prayed and cried out. Two different actions. 

His faith and posture of prayer - crying out, desperate for intervention - solicited the favor of God. The Lord sent an angel who took out the Assyrian army. 

Did Hezekiah's cry for the Lord sound anything like Judah's cry for me? Luke 18:17 tells us that we must receive the kingdom of God like a child. Maybe it did… Maybe it was short and simple. Maybe it was just the name of the Lord. Maybe he was only capable of groans and tears. 

What do you do when a Sennacherib shows up in your life to taunt you, instill fear and mock the God you serve? Hezekiah could have tried to develop an amazing battle strategy. He could have figured out a plan of retreat or the details of surrender. He could have tried to escape and left his people vulnerable. But he let go of his own strength and laid it out before the Lord. He didn't just pray. He cried out. 

Was your heart moved by hearing my little brother's yell? How much more is your Heavenly Father's heart moved to run to you; to be what you need when you cry out for Him? 

So, my knees hit the floor and I cried out. Angrily at first, like Judah did. "God… where are you?" Then quietly and softly, "God, I need you." And a peace rushed over my heart. Did my circumstances magically change? No. But my heart did. 

You don't need to explain the situation to Him. He knows who/what your Sennacherib is. He already promised you and I He would fight for us and perfect all that concerns us. We just need to cry out. Void of pride, ultimatums, and fear. He will show up. He is moved by your voice. 

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I cried to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry reached his ears. 2 Samuel 22:7 

But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears. Psalm 18:6