"...and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13
Many of you have asked why I haven't posted a blog in quite some time. I have been busy standing.
Standing is about all I can do.
The last few months have been especially challenging. Two years ago, my world fell apart, and lately I feel as though I've been watching a replay. My contract with the ministry has ended and after many months of looking, applying and interviewing, God has not allowed any doors for jobs to open here in Pennsylvania. No paycheck = no ability to pay my mortgage. The house I bought with my life's savings now has a 'For Sale' sign in the front yard.
I'm beginning to understand why the Lord didn't allow a door to open for a job. I haven't felt well for quite some time and since February have seen multiple doctors to learn what is wrong. Having more lab work than my arms would like, we've discovered I have dangerously high levels of cortisol that have been sustained for possibly years. Signs and symptoms as well as doctor's opinions point to having Cushing's Disease which is basically a tumor on the pituitary gland that causes excess production of cortisol. We are seeking out medical teams as we move forward with what to do.
At this point in time, I feel as though my job is just to rest and get well. Some days, a trip to the grocery store is all I can manage. Extreme weakness, fatigue and dizziness have become a daily way of life in the past couple months.
The emotions of being jobless, sick and selling my home are compounded with being 2,000 miles from my family. And, while I can't wait to be closer to them, it comes at the cost of leaving my amazing Ohlson family here in PA.
I have no great spiritual insight or metaphor for you today. No lesson to draw in all of this. No answers to "Why?" I know God will never leave me or forsake me, but never in my life has He been more silent. This season of difficulty certainly rivals the one I weathered two years ago.
I am thankful though, that after we're given the Armor of God in Ephesians 6, our only command is to stand. We don't have to fight, to strategize; to brainstorm a plan, or rally support. No, all we are asked to do is stand. I'm trying. I am tired and there are days in which I feel as though I can't. Thats when I think of my dear friend, Lauren. The trial she's weathering with impeccable joy and grace far exceeds my own. So, I'm standing - in prayer - in faith - in hope that the promises of God will be proven true in my life. (And yours Lauren!)
Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement at this time. I am excited to watch God work all of this for His glory.